i wanna go far away

The ebb and flow of missing someone, and life as we know it, can really suck sometimes.

I am surrounded by good people. I have fun, and this semester has really been much needed. But right now, in this moment, i miss my dear friend. I really hope that everyone has a person. A person to tell all the little things to, laugh about something stupid, or cry about it for that matter. Walk places with, and figure out every day life with.

I never ever thought I would question my life plans. I thought I was one of the lucky ones who had it figured out. I wanted to be a choir teacher, teach near my home in MN, and be safe. To experience beautiful choral music, and inspire students to be real people.
And now...everything is getting tossed around. Do I really want to teach? I'm not really sure.
I want to be real, and help others to do the same. I want to be passionate about whatever I do in life, and I don't know if teaching will facilitate that.

I'm thinking of dropping my education minor, and graduating with a double major in Music and Theatre/Dance. There is 90% of me that is so excited for a change, and all the possibilities for integrating the two. There is excitement in not knowing, or knowing that I can do anything. It lifts weight off my shoulders, and fills me with a passion to create movement and facilitate change through music and movement together. But that other 10% of me can't commit to it all. That little part of me is saying "am i giving up?" "am i just being lazy?". What do i really want? It is safer to stick with education...but who wants to stay safe? There is no adventure in that.

I want to be poor, I want to experience. I want to be passionate. I want to be a part of new things, and open peoples eyes to new things. When I am in my movement classes, i feel intelligent. Which is a very rare feeling for me at this school. And I can't ignore that.

I don't know. that's all I've got. That's where I'm at right now. and i miss that friend of mine, it is putting a loneliness in me.